I Hate Babysitting!
by LuClipse85
Summary: Sesshomaru's parents have gone on their second honeymoon. Having the house to himself, it's him, his PS3 and his little brother Inuyasha.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, something else to scratch off my Write-It-Or-Get Hollered-At list,finally getting this story posted.

Just to give a little history on this one: this fanfic is based on a fan-art drawn by KM8688-san (who does AWESOME art!). I thought it was adorable and hilarious! I asked her if I could write a fanfic to it since she didn't. She told me that she'd be honored!

Well, that was several months ago and I feel like a heel for just now getting to it. Sorry, KM8688-san, but here it is now! So you can finally see my comedic genius at work!

Okay, disclaimers for the story:

1) "I Hate Babysitting" the fan-art belongs to KM8688-san and the fanfic is dedicated to her ENTIRELY!

2) "InuYasha belongs to Takahashi-sama

3) My heart belongs to Miroku (those who've read my other stories know this by now)

4) Sesshomaru was Aerosmith's inspiration for "Dude Looks Like a Lady"

* * *

"I Hate Babysitting"  
Chapter I  
"My Brother and I"

Sesshomaru sat before the living room TV playing his PS3, lost in Final Fantasy IX. It was the first day of his winter break and he had made big plans as how he would spend it. The first week he would spend with his favorite video game and the remaining two would be spent at a five star resort in Hokkaido with his girlfriend.

Sesshomaru was musing in his vacations plans while playing his game when he was suddenly interrupted as someone had pressed the pause button. Taking a guess as to who it was, he looked behind him and found his human stepmother standing over him wearing her coat and holding her purse, smiling kindly at him. Sesshomaru gave a lighthearted smirk and waved up at her. He wasn't very thrilled that his great youkai father had married a mortal woman after his divorce, but Sesshomaru saw for himself that his stepmother was a kind and good woman and that she loved his father very much. Given that, the young youkai let the matter slide.

"Don't worry, Sesshomaru, I'm not going to nag you. I just had to check on you since you haven't given that console a break since early this morning." His stepmother chuckled, early that morning meaning four o'clock in the morning and it was now a quarter to ten.

Sesshomaru's father shouted to his wife from upstairs, "Iyazoi! Where'd I put the plane tickets!"

"I have them in my purse, Inutaisho!" She answered.

Their suitcases were already packed and loaded into the car, their hotel reservations in Okinawa were set; Inutaisho and Iyazoi were ready for their second honeymoon. He came downstairs after checking to see that nothing important was forgotten. They stared at each other as they realized what was forgotten.

"The keys!" They exclaimed.

The couple searched hurriedly all about the couch and loveseats but had no luck. They looked up at each other and inquired as to the last place the keys were seen, when they heard a loud jingle. Sesshomaru nonchalantly picked them up from one of the shelves on the grand entertainment center and held them up in the air, jingling them to get his parents' attention.

They teardropped in embarrassment as Iyazoi took them. The couple gathered their remaining bags and headed out. Iyazoi kissed Sesshomaru, who had resume playing his game, and bid him good-bye.

Inutaisho shared a word with his son before leaving. "Sesshomaru, you're the man of the house until we return. You already know the rules. Just to let you know, you're going to have company tomorrow so don't run them off with your poison claws again!"

"Yes, father." Sesshomaru replied without looking away from the screen.

Inutaisho started to head out to the car when he stopped at the doorway to tell Sesshomaru one last thing, "Your mom and I will return on Thursday afternoon. And Sesshomaru...?"

The youkai rolled up his eyes, predicting what his father would request of him.

"I know, father. I promise I'll try to make an effort this time."

"See that you do. And stay away from the knives while we're gone."

Sesshomaru barely heard the door shut as his parents left for the airport. The house was quiet, allowing him to concentrate more on his game strategies. The silence also allowed him to hear even the quietest of noises. A faint sound entered his ears and made the youkai glare in severe discontent.

I can live with the fact that my biological parents are divorced. I can live with the fact that they can't stand each other. I can live with the fact that my great father married a mortal woman. I acknowledge her; she's a good woman. I can live with the fact that they've been happily married for the past three years.

What I CAN'T live with-

A lock of Sesshomaru's long white was seized and lightly pulled on. His golden eyes rolled up in aggravation.

"Sesshou-sesshou!"

is what they spawned two years ago.

"Sesshounii!"

Sesshomaru slowly brought his glaring eyes behind him to the assailant on his white tresses.

Standing on his tippy-toes and reaching up as much as his little arm would allow was Sesshomaru's two year old hanyou half-brother, Inuyasha. He had long white hair and golden eyes as his brother and father, but had adorable pointy dog ears. Inuyasha wore his favorite red hakama pants, his gi and undershirt discarded in the hallway as always, and looked at his big brother with a wide playful smile.

"Hi, Sesshounii!" The little hanyou greeted.

Sesshomaru gave his baby brother a forced greeting. He came to learn if he didn't give the toddler **some **kind of response, Inuyasha'd pull harder and scream his nickname louder until he did. The toddler giggled in satisfaction, keeping his hold on his elder brother's hair.

Sesshomaru painfully aware of it.

"Inuyasha?" He lips curled into a fake smile.

The little hanyou cast his wide innocent golden eyes on Sesshomaru as his name was called.

"Hai, Sesshounii?" Inuyasha answered adorably.

"What did Sesshounii tell you about grabbing his hair?" Sesshoumaru growled in a low tone, keeping his smile.

Inuyasha stared at his brother and then looked down at the floor, trying to remember.

"I know! I know!" He exclaimed, jumping in excitement and tugging on Sesshomaru's hair more.

The youkai immediately placed his clawed finger on atop Inuyasha's crown gently, silently telling him to stop. The hanyou obeyed and stared at his brother's expression, eyes wide and his smile broadened to a strained grin, baring his gnashed teeth and fangs.

"Haha! Sesshounii funny!" Inuyasha laughed, poking the youkai's nose.

Can you focus for one minute, kid? "Inuyasha...?" Sesshomaru spoke slowly to re-grasp the toddler's attention. "What did Sesshounii say?"

Inuyasha regained his train of thought and resumed where he had left off, "I know! I know! Sesshounii always say, 'Gods, I hate this freakin' kid!;"

Sesshomaru stared, his tense visage easing. "The other thing."

Inuyasha lowered his eyes to the floor in thought and stayed like that for two minutes. Sesshomaru teardropped, his visage fading as he wondered why it was taking the child five minutes to answer a simple question.

Inuyasha thought for a minute longer, then answered. "Don't?"

"There ya go." Sesshomaru's sarcastic smile returned. "Now what is Inuyasha supposed to do?"

"Re...lease?" Inuyasha said, trying to said it right. That was a big word for him but he had heard Sesshomaru scream it all the time.

Inuyasha smiled as his elder seemed pleased.

"Excellent. Why don't you get a jump on it?"

Inuyasha laughed gleefully and did as his beloved brother commanded. He jumped onto the lock of hair he had been holding and swung on it like it was a rope.

Inuyasha was seized by Sesshomaru's fur; it wrapped carefully around the little hanyou's waist and pulled him away, but he wouldn't let go of the lock of hair. Sesshomaru was technically yanking on his own hair as his fur pulled Inuyasha away to release it.

Realizing after the fifth yank that his little brother wasn't getting the message, Sesshomaru pried the little fingers away and quickly distanced Inuyasha from his head before he could reclaim his hold. The little hanyou laughed as he thought Sesshomaru was playing with him, even when he glared at him.

"Inuyasha." The youkai growled sternly.

Inuyasha recognized the term and silenced, giving his elder brother his undivided attention.

"Hai, Sesshounii?" Inuyasha answered obediently in the most innocent tone.

"I am not in the mood for games right now, do you understand?" Inuyasha nodded his head. Sesshomaru to soften his tone just a little. "When I am playing Final Fantasy, I do not wish to be bothered. Now go and occupy yourself, Inuyasha. Play or something."

Inuyasha's gleeful smile returned as he made an "OK" sign in compliance. Satisfied with his answer, Sesshomaru released his little brother and watched as he ran hurriedly to the back rooms, falling down a couple of times and getting right back up, unphazed. He saw Inuyasha disappear into a room and resumed playing his game, enjoying the following three minutes of silence.

CRASH! **_SHATTER!_**

Sesshomaru froze, his glaring eyes rolled up as he heard Inuyasha shout, "I didn't do it!". His head dropped to the carpeted floor, his arms extended before him as he still held the controller, looking like he was practicing Yoga.

"The parents are on vacation, a large house, an eighteen year old youkai and a two year old hanyou...

"It's going to be one hell of a week."


	2. Chapter 2

Whoo-hoo! 14 reviews for the first chapter!

I guess that proves my theory: involve Sesshomaru in a story and the reviews pour in.

Anyway, I'm really pleased with the attention this story got! And I'm really happy that KM8688-san loved it! But I'll do my best to shorten the time inbetween updates, everyone. College is just so unfair to me. It's practically impossible for a sista to get a weekend off with absolutely NO homework!

Disclaimers: I already said 'em in the last chapter and they'll apply to the future chapters. But I have to make a revision on one of them:

Sesshomaru in fact wasn't Aerosmith's inspiration for "Dude Looks Like a Lady". (That was a joke anyway!)

Kamatari was! (Rurouni Kenshin)

Thanks for clearing that up, Minmay-chan! (giggles)

(runs away from Kamatari fans!)

* * *

"I Hate Babysitting"  
Chapter 2

Sesshomaru finished putting in an order for another glass statue of "Lone Wolf and Cub". Inuyasha sat on the floor beside his feet as commanded, nibbling on his toes while staring up at his brother, making little growling noises in amusement. When Sesshomaru hung up the phone, he glanced down at the toddler hanyou, who only smiled at him, showing his baby fangs. He wasn't moved; he was fortunate the company had another copy of the statue. Otherwise, Sesshomaru's father would have his hide!

"Little brother, do you realize you cost me 4,800,000 yen for father's collectible?" Sesshomaru asked, sounding a bit angry.

Inuyasha stared up at his brother, his tiny ears twitching at the tone Sesshomaru's voice.

"What's a yen?" He cutely asked in curiosity.

Sesshomaru's eyes rolled up as his eyebrow twitched. He teardropped and sighed, deciding to change the subject. "Inuyasha, why did you go into father's special room? You know we are not allowed in there."

He spoke to his brother as he carried him back into the living room under his arm and dropped him onto the couch cushion on his back.

"Sesshounii tol' me to play or something.." Inuyasha said with a playful smile, laughing when the youkai stared down at him.

"I told you to play, not do what you are forbidden." Sesshomaru corrected, trying to stay calm.

He was doing his very best to stay cool, but the toddler was unintentionally making it difficult for him. Inuyasha stared up at Sesshomaru with his wide golden eyes, his head titled to the side as his right ear did likewise. Sesshomaru teardropped again as he saw the huge imaginary question mark over the hanyou's head.

_Yet another word that's not in his already limited vocabulary. _Sesshomaru thought.

Inuyasha continued staring. "Sesshounii never scream that word."

"Doing what you're not supposed to." He dumbed down for him.

"Oh." Inuyasha's cute response. "But Sesshounii, I was playing. I's just looking an' I wanned to get my toy before you saw'n got mad. See?"

The toddler pulled out a small white and orange ball from his hakama pocket and showed it to his brother for evidence. The youkai softened, figuring he had just knocked it over by accident. Inuyasha's ears drooped in shame, remembering his father saying he wasn't allowed in his collectibles room.

"Gomen nasai, Sesshounii."

Sesshomaru looked to the side, he secretly hated when Inuyasha looked shameful like that. "Well, I suppose I could let it slide since you were only trying to be good. Very well, Inuyasha, but next time your belongings go into father's room, tell me first and I'll get it."

"I starred to, I didn't." Inuyasha said, grasping Sesshomaru's attention. His expression intrigued the toddler. "How does Sesshounii make his big owl eyes?"

"WHY didn't you tell me, Inuyasha?" Sesshomaru demanded, trying to repress his twitch lest he distract Inuyasha again.

"'Cuz I saw you in there one time before and you bend over and knock over mommy's Totoro statue toy with you big booty!" Inuyasha answered with a giggle. "No wonder daddy keep you out too."

A large teardrop appeared on Sesshomaru's head. "I'm in charge when our parents are gone, so I have permission if you lose something in there." He quickly peeked over his shoulder at his behind. "And it's not big. It's nicely shaped."

Inuyasha sneered playfully as his big brother tried to stand dignified and show pride for his unique behind. "Sesshounii should go Beep! Beep! when he back that thing up!"

The little hanyou giggled at his joke, then laughed loudly when Sesshomaru drew his up by his legs and dangled him upside down. The youkai fumed as a vein popped onto his head.

DING DONG!

Sesshomaru stood still as he stared, wondering who that was at the door. Tucking Inuyasha under his arm like the newspaper, he walked to see who that was. He opened the door and found a woman with short black hair in a thick coat with a bright smile. Recognizing each other, they bowed to each other in greeting.

"Ohayo, Sesshomaru-sama." The woman greeted the youkai.

"Higurashi-san."

"Haiyoureshi-san." Inuyasha imitated his brother, who teardropped in embarrassment.

Mrs. Higurashi didn't mind at all; she always found it adorable when the hanyou said her name wrong.

"Ohayo, Inuyasha-chan! How are you today, sweetie?"

Inuyasha didn't hear her greeting, he became distracted by her protruding stomach underneath her coat. He seemed astonished by the size.

"Sesshounii right, you **can** eat too much pocky." He said, pointing and gawking at Mrs. Higurashi's stomach.

She laughed while Sesshomaru popped his little brother's ear, reprimanding his rudeness.

"Well, you're right about me gaining weight, but no, Inu-chan, this is a baby." Mrs. Higurashi smiled, placing her hand on her belly.

Sesshomaru noticed she had gotten much bigger but decided not to say anything. Inuyasha stared, his wide golden eyes as he titled his head like a curious puppy.

"That's a big baby!" Inuyasha exclaimed. "You're not scared he won't just fall out?"

"That's my baby brother! Don't you call him name, Inuyasha!"

All eyes went to the little voice that sounded from behind Mrs. Higurashi's leg. Her two-year old daughter, Kagome, came out from behind her mother, staring up at Inuyasha.

"I only say he was big! I didn't say he was fat, Kagome!" Inuyasha argued.

"Same thing!"

Sesshomaru gave Mrs. Higurashi a half-lidded stare as the two started fighting again. "Is it my turn or yours this time, Higurashi-san?"

"Mine." She answered, telling Kagome and Inuyasha to chill.

The two toddlers first met each other when the Higurashi family moved into the neighborhood a year ago. Iyazoi invited them to dinner and the two babies really hit it off. Especially when Kagome kept pulling on Inuyasha's ears and telling him they were pretty. They always spent time at each other's houses almost everyday and always seemed to get into little fights.

Kagome saw Sesshomaru and gave a shy smile, blushing. "Hi Sesshomaru!" She greeted with a cute bow.

The youkai nodded his head. "Kagome."

Inuyasha gave his big brother a jealous look when he returned Kagome's greeting, then looked at her. Mrs. Higurashi didn't miss that look; her giggled caught everyone's attention.

"My, Inuyasha-chan isn't jealous of his brother, is he?" She teased.

The hanyou stared in confusion when Sesshomaru chuckled.

"You needn't worry, Inuyasha. I don't intend to steal your girlfriend from you." He teased, assuringly.

Inuyasha and Kagome's eyes widened as they immediately protested, giving the adults a good laugh.

"Forgive my manners, Higurashi-san. Please, come in." Sesshomaru invited, remembering his guests were standing in the cold.

Mrs. Higurashi bowed politely. "Thank you, Sesshomaru, but I won't be long. I only came to drop Kagome off."

"Come again?" Sesshomaru and Inuyasha asked simultaneously; the hanyou seeming hopeful, the youkai seeming uneasy.

"Oh, didn't your father tell you? My husband and I are going on our special getaway trip and Iyazoi agreed to have you baby-sit Kagome for us."

"What about him?" Sesshomaru pointed his thumb at Grandpa Higurashi waiting in his minivan outside, disguising the desperation in his voice. "I assume he going too?"

Mrs. Higurashi nodded. "Grandpa's friends invited him to Nagasaki to catch up on old times. He hadn't seen them in so long, he just couldn't refuse."

Grandpa Higurashi overheard the conversation from the van and waved with a taunting grin to Sesshomaru. The youkai glared back, jealously.

_The old man gets a vacation and I get screwed. This couldn't suck more._

Mrs. Higurashi said her good-byes to her daughter, who looked up with longing eyes. She assured Kagome that she and her daddy would be home after their trip and told her to be a good girl while they were gone. That soothed Kagome enough to wish her mother a fun trip and wave good-bye as she left. Sesshomaru watched the van drive away, longing to scream, "For the love of Buddha, take me with you!"

He looked down at Kagome, who only smiled at him, then at his little brother still under his arm. Sesshomaru groaned, rolling his eyes up and taking them inside. He placed Inuyasha in the living room back on the couch and then went to see why Kagome hadn't followed him. She had taken off her coat and tried to hang it up herself, but couldn't quite reach the hanger on the coat rack. Sesshomaru stared as he watched her throw her coat at the rack as if she were playing basketball, continuously missing.

Kagome kept on throwing her coat and yelled at the coat rack for not accepting it, teardropping. "You're supposed to take my coat when I give it to you, coat rack-san!" She whined, still trying.

Sesshomaru shook his head as he approached the struggling toddler. He placed his finger onto Kagome's head, signaling her to stop. She obeyed and watched as the youkai hung the coat up with utmost ease, marveling at his powers.

"Next time, don't be rude." Sesshomaru reprimanded the coat rack to appease Kagome, who agreed and scolded it.

_Look at me. I'm talking to an inanimate object. This ALWAYS happens when Kagome's here._

Kagome noticed Sesshomaru's embarrassed expression and figured something was wrong. She glared at the coat rack as best she could like her mother and kicked it, causing the youkai to stare perplexed.

"Don't you talk back to Sesshomaru-sama, coat rack-san! He's in charge so you be 'spectful!" Kagome scolded.

"**Re**spectful, Kagome." He corrected, flatly.

"Oh sorry, Sesshomaru-sama." The toddler responded with an adorable compliant smile, then turned back to the coat rack. "You be more spect, um, ect, specter...r-e-s-p-e-c-t-ful!" Kagome ended in song, standing proudly.

Sesshomaru could only give a blank half-lidded stare, his teardrop grew larger as he couldn't figure out why the two-year girl couldn't say something as simple as "respect". He didn't realize his expressions were being watched and misinterpreted by the said toddler, who kept thinking the coat rack was talking back to him. To put it in check, Kagome kicked it and scolded it again.

"Enough of that, Kagome. The coat rack is not talking back to me."

Kagome ceased and innocently stared up at him, confused. "Then how come you look mad, Sesshomaru?"

He answered with a flat irritated voice, "Because I'm standing here talking to a piece of wood and starting to think it'll actually talk back."

Sesshomaru eyes turned to the side in a sarcastic glare; they turned back with a blank stare as Kagome bowed to the coat rack.

"I'm sorry, Coat-rack-san." The toddler apologized as humbly as she could. "Mommy always tell me to apologize if I do something bad."

Kagome beamed at Sesshomaru, who kept his stare.

"S'alright." The coat rack answered.

Kagome gawked, her jaw almost hitting the floor. Sesshomaru lifted his eyes to it, then softly glared as the coat rack proceeded to call Kagome an ugly dumpling. As she fumed and screamed at it, he turned behind him and found Inuyasha peeking from the entrance to the living room, snickering mischievously. The youkai glanced back at Kagome, who was still yelling at the coat rack. He placed his hand atop her head, silencing her and turning it to Inuyasha who was laughing at her.

Kagome growled at him, "Stop being mean, Inuyasha! Can't you see coat-rack-san is tryin' to 'pologize?"

Sesshomaru nearly fell over at the remark. " HE'S the one who said that, Kagome!"

Inuyasha laughed loudly, pointing at Kagome and calling her a "slow girl". She snarled, little puffs of stream escaping her head.

"STUPID PUPPY!"

Inuyasha screamed and ran away when Kagome grabbed one of Sesshomaru's shoes and ran after him, holding it like a sword. Sesshomaru watched as the two ran about. Figuring Kagome would keep Inuyasha preoccupied for the time being, he continued with his interrupted game of Final Fantasy IX. He was just about to get lost in the game and lose contact with reality when a shoe slammed into the back of his head and he slumped over.

Kagome and Inuyasha stood behind the unconscious youkai, wide-eyed, glancing accusingly at each other.

"Ooh, you're in trouble..."They whispered simultaneously.

Inuyasha felt his tiny body begin to tremble in fear. His big brother would wake up and scream at him, and the hanyou was too familiar with what Sesshomaru looked like when he was REALLY angry. He began to whine when Kagome got an idea on how to fix things and summoned Inuyasha's attention.


	3. The Gods Hate Me

(singing "We Didn't Start the Fire" parody, shoving grapes in my mouth)

Hello, my revered fans! And a HUGE hello to my long lost hobby of fanfiction!

As promised in my profile, I spent Spring Break writing my stories so that I'd at least have something to type out later. I must say it was difficult writing this chapter out at work.

Difficult as in restraining myself from laughing; my snickering was starting to make my co-workers wonder.

But as Stewie (Family Guy) said, "Victory is mine! You will **bow** to me!" (the latter is optional. Ha ha)

KM8688-san, my friend, here is the third installment to your story. I hope it pleases you. It sure as hell pleased me.

Even if Kagome and Inuyasha DO act a bit like Bebe's Kids. (cracks up)

* * *

I Hate Babysitting  
Chapter 3  
"The Gods Hate Me"

The loud pounding of Sesshomaru's feet sounded through the house. The last thing he remembered was Kagome chasing Inuyasha with his shoe and it somehow escaped her hands and crashed into his head. Everything went black after that.

Sesshomaru stormed about, not surprised he couldn't find the two toddlers after they had knocked him out. He walked past the hallway mirror and stepped back a few seconds later.

He stared in horror.

Sesshomaru's face had been crudely smeared with white cake icing and painted wildly with food coloring.

Kagome's work.

The icing was then plastered with candy bits and his lips, untouched by the icing, was colored bright red lipstick, along with the edges, his jawbone and his all around his nose. Sesshomaru found attempts of false eyelashes drawn onto the icing and also stuck on it on his eyebrows and forehead.

Inuyasha's work. It was obvious because the little hanyou had a fascination with his mother's make-up.

Sesshomaru's wide eyes stared at his ridiculous reflection. He couldn't tell if Kagome and Inuyasha were purposely going for onnagata (A/M: female impersonator. In a nutshell, "Dude Looks Like a Lady") since they apparently didn't have a vision. He started to turn away and continue his search….when in the corner of his eyes, he saw something horrible. Praying to the gods it was not what he thought, the taiyoukai forced his eyes back to the mirror.

His golden eyes widened, aghast!

Sesshomaru's beloved ivory tresses had been violated by the icing and candy bits….and the top of his head and streaking down his locks with blue, red, and yellow food coloring, several strands blending with the primary colors.

"**YOU LITTLE HEATHENS!** **WHAT THE HELLS HAVE YOU DONE! **

"**I'M A SUMMER, NOT A WINTER, DAMMIT!"**

Upstairs the toddlers huddled in the master bedroom under the bed, the lights turned off for camouflage, and trying not to breath loudly. Pulling the prank on Sesshomaru SEEMED like a good idea at the time and Kagome thought he looked so pretty.

"I don't think Sesshomaru-sama liked my vision, Inuyasha." Kagome whispered.

"Ya think, Kagome?" Inuyasha answered sassily.

She frowned at the response. "Hey, don't be mean! He didn't like your vision either!"

"I saw Sesshounii in Mommy's make-up 'fore! I thought he'd like the make-over!" The hanyou whispered in his defense. "Besides, Sesshounii obsessily doesn't like being make into a birthday cake!"

Kagome hissed at Inuyasha, calling him a fairy to when they heard the sound of Sesshomaru coming up the stairs, and growling.

Inuyasha's little body trembled, Kagome pinched his neck to keep him from whimpering.

"Don't worry Inuyasha. Sesshomaru-sama won't find us if we be quiet." Kagome signed to him in their secret code.

The fear remained on Inuyasha's face.

"Yes, I can worry." He signed back.

"He can smell us."

Kagome's face went blank.

"Uh-ohhhh."

Without warning, the bed mattress flew up, exposing the two. Yelping, they looked up at Sesshomaru, who glared down at them with his "make-up" melting and dripping off his face with his red eyeliner and mascara running down from his glowing red eyes, his fangs bared in rage. The light from outside the dark room shone on his back, making him look straight up frightening.

"**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

Kagome and Inuyasha's high pitched screaming rang and vibrated in Sesshomaru's ears, causing him to holler. It sounded like a roar to them and made the toddlers scream louder, causing Sesshomaru to get louder also. Kagome scrambled to her feet and shot out from under the taiyoukai, Inuyasha ran behind her, still screaming. Sesshomaru turned and dropped the mattress on his foot; he tripped when he tried to run after them.

The children ran about the upstairs level screaming and shouting while being chased. It baffled Sesshomaru how his speed and agility were superb to any other being, yet he fell over himself just trying to keep up with two bumbling toddlers. He caught Kagome and lifted her off the floor, holding her distanced from him to avoid her swinging feet and fists. He started to tuck her under his arm when Inuyasha bursted out of the bathroom, screaming like an idiot and running about crazily…

And heading for the staircase!

Sesshomaru dropped Kagome, who landed on her feet then on her bottom, and ran after Inuyasha.

"Inuyasha, **SIT**!"

In an instant, the hanyou obeyed and sat down like a puppy.

Right in front of Sesshomaru's legs!

_Stupid dog! **MOVE** out the way, **THEN** sit!_

Sesshomaru leapt over Inuyasha at the last minute, then his foot met his little brother's Hamtaro chew toy. He quickly grabbed his surfboard from the wall and placed it underneath him as he fell. Sesshomaru teetered on the edge of the top stair, managing to stay balanced.

He smirked proudly. _It comes as no surprise. I'm a natural at this. Nothing is capable of subduing Sesshomaru._

"**GET THE DEMON!"**

The voices stiffened Sesshomaru's body as his eyes turned behind him. The next thing he knew, Inuyasha and Kagome charged towards him and leapt into the air with a battle cry.

_Why me, dammit?_

He shifted his weight to his legs as they landed on him and started beating on him. Kagome pounded her small but strong fists onto Sesshomaru's shoulders while Inuyasha gnawed on his brother's ears. He tried to sound like a ferocious beast, but his snarls only made him sound adorable. Inuyasha paused and sniffed the ear and the poorly dyed hair. His ears perked up and he wrapped his arms around the head.

"Hi Sesshou-oni-nii!" Inuyasha lovingly exclaimed.

The hanyou looked curiously when he noticed his brother's scent had changed. The taiyoukai's narrowed eyes stared at him, turning red as his hair began to flare up.

Inuyasha stared blankly, "Uh-oh…"

Sesshomaru opened his mouth to speak when a sudden shift in his weight drew the red from his eyes. Kagome ceased her beating after hearing Inuyasha say it was Sesshomaru and moved up to say sorry, unaware of the situation at hand.

The surfboard tilted down the stairs.

"Cowabunga." Sesshomaru stated flatly, bracing himself.

The board titled further and down they went!

The toddlers clutched tightly onto Sesshomaru while he held onto the surfboard for dear life as he slid down the staircase and made a sharp turn to avoid crashing into the wall. Inuyasha held on as they flew through the house, holding his head high and letting the wind blow in his face as he let his tongue fly; Kagome screamed gleefully, thinking she was on a roller coaster, Sesshomaru hollered for the gods' mercy.

The surfboard slowed down and would've stopped on its own if Inuyasha hadn't have lost his grip and tried to regain it, in result tipping them all over to a stop.

"COWACHUMBA, DUDE!" The toddler shouted, making peace signs.

Sesshomaru got up from the floor, thankful he still alive. With a calm face, his anger unconcealed, he grabbed the children and lifted them to eye level. All giggling ceased at the sight of his face.

"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru slowly growled, "Why did you turn my face and hair into a coloring book?"

A huge grin spread across the hanyou's face, nervous. "Because you're beautiful?"

His nervousness grew as his brother was not amused.

"Not working?" Inuyasha cutely asked, his grin plastered on his face.

"No, Inuyasha. It's not."

The toddler's grin disappeared and he decided to go ahead and confess.

"The devil made me do it!" Inuyasha said, pointing to a fuming Kagome.

"I made Sesshomaru-sama into a sweetie. You made him look like a ghetto geisha, stupid fartbutt!" She retaliated.

Sesshomaru stared in space as the argument continued, trying to stay out of it. In embarrassment, he restrained himself from looking as his little brother had his ears pinned back like a cat and hissing like one.

"Rrr!" Inuyasha growled as Kagome stuck her tongue at him.

"Sesshounii? Can we go to Kansas?" He sweetly asked of his elder brother.

He was always aware of Inuyasha's antics, but Sesshomaru stared in wonder at how the child enticed questions of intrigue from him. "Why do you want to go to Kansas, Inuyasha?"

"Cuz I wanna drop a house on the Wicked Witch of the East!" He loudly answered, trying not to cower when the "wicked witch" snarled like a tiger.

Having heard enough, Sesshomaru lightly bonked the toddlers heads together to silence them.

"Ouchies!" Kagome whined, rubbing her head while mentally confirming that Inuyasha was hard-headed.

Sesshomaru's face remained firm. "This foolishness is over."

Inuyasha understood the tone then noticed Kagome looked like her feelings were hurt, beginning to smell her tears forming. His little ears drooped.

"Kagome," Inuyasha said softly to get her attention, "I'm sorry. You're not the Wicked Witch of the East….or the devil."

Kagome gave a smile, accepting. "I'm sorry too, Inuyasha. You're a fartbutt…and not that hard-headed."

They both turned to Sesshomaru in anticipation and saw him nod in approval.

"I'd kiss you and make-up, but you'd give me cooties!" Kagome joked with Inuyasha, smiling.

He grinned, going along with it, "Yeah, an' I'd get BIGGER cooties from you, Kagome!"

She laughed, and giggled with a blush. Sesshomaru held her up by the back of her shirt collar, Inuyasha by the back of his pants, giving a generous view of his skin.

"You sure are full of cracks tonight, red cheeks!" She teased.

Sesshomaru tucked the two under his arms and carried them upstairs for a nap, not knowing Kagome was facing forward and Inuyasha facing behind him; thus giving her and good view of Inuyasha's behind. The hanyou's cheeks began to match his pants as the girl kept making cracks at it.

"You're not helping, Ms. Narrator!"

"Leave me my booty 'lone, Kagome! It's sens'tive and nicelly shaped!" Inuyasha said, trying to be dignified.

Sesshomaru couldn't resist a quiet laugh. _NOW who's got the 'big booty'?_

He walked up the stairs, listening to the children's fight. Kagome started singing a tune to go with her joke

"You got big butt and you cannot lie! You otha' sistas can't deny! Well, it's all up in my face and Sesshy's second place! Inu got **back**!"

Sesshomaru laughed, he tried not to but couldn't help himself. He took the toddlers upstairs to Inuyasha's room and rolled out the futon when something hit him: Inuyasha and Kagome would be in **this **room and he'd be in **his **room.

Meaning they'd be alone.

And if those two were alone, gods KNOW what'd happen.

Given that, Sesshomaru made an about-face and took them to his room. He locked the door and told them to sit on the floor as he went in his bathroom to try and undo the vandalization of his face and hair. When he finished, managing to get his hair back to ivory white from Dennis Rodman rainbow, he set up the futons. Once they were spread, Inuyasha and Kagome reluctantly got inside and laid down quietly. When he assumed they were asleep, Sesshomaru plopped atop his bed, covered with his favorite Final Fantasy cover and quickly went to sleep.

A while later, his peace was interrupted by the gentle tugging of his hair.

"Sesshounii?" Whispered a quiet voice. "Sesshounii?"

Sesshomaru frowned, groaning under his breath, not hiding his irritation. Fearing his little brother would start yelling, he opened one eye and found Inuyasha standing on the side of his bed, his wide golden eyes seeming apologetic.

Sesshomaru didn't need to guess. "You can't sleep, Inuyasha?"

"Mm-mm." The toddler answered, "I'm not sleepy."

"Me neither." Kagome said whispering, getting up from her futon and standing beside Inuyasha. "Can we play a game, Sesshomaru-sama? Pre' please?"

Sesshomaru rolled his eyes to the ceiling, wondering in aggravation, if he'd EVER get any peace. Then, figuring he'd last longer than them and they'd pass out soon, Sesshomaru agreed.

"Very well." He sat up on his bed and looked down at the smiling toddlers. "What do you want to play?"

They stared up in thought, wondering what they could beat the great Sesshomaru at. The taiyoukai waited patiently for an answer, seeming amused as they thought it out and discussed the subject. After hearing Kagome mention someone named "Brendon Frasier" and Inuyasha seemed excited about it, they went through the room, finding a large roll of bandages and stood before Sesshomaru with huge grins.

He blinked and eyed the bandage roll. "I assume you've made a decision?"

"Hai!" Kagome answered. "We wanna play Mummy!"

" 'The Mummy Returns', Kagome!" Inuyasha corrected her.

Sesshomaru smirked. "Very well then. What are the rules?"

"You make 'em up, Sesshounii!" Inuyasha chirped.

"_This will be quick and easy. _The two of you will turn me into a mummy and bind me as tightly as possible. If I can't escape, you and Kagome may stay up until you are sleepy and have double dessert at dinner. If you can not, not only will you have your nap, but no dessert at all tonight." Sesshomaru smiled proudly.

After starting incredulously for several seconds, the toddlers began their game. They did their best to tightly wrap him up but Sesshomaru kept moving and slackened the bandages. He laughed as Inuyasha and Kagome huffed and scolded him.

"Well, if you can't get it tight around my legs, you can save your honor by forf- giving up." Sesshomaru knew "forfeit" literally was not in Kagome's vocabulary.

"NEVER!" Inuyasha said dramatically with a matching pose.

Sesshomaru saw that his words motivated them as the bandages got tighter. But he still managed to loosen them. Kagome became frustrated, but tried to stay calm; Inuyasha snarled and hollered as he kept trying, adding to Sesshomaru's amusement.

_If you have a problem, Kagome, don't get mad. Try to think of a solution instead. _Mrs. Higurashi always told her daughter.

"I got one, mommy!" Kagome declared, then hurried to Sesshomaru's desk.

"DANGJANE IT! Stay up, ya dang baka band-aid!" Inuyasha screamed as he tried for the 15th time to get his brother tighter. "An' quit laughin', Sesshounii!"

"My apologies, little brother. Your effects are too amusing." The taiyoukai laughed, then got louder as he saw steam puffing from the hanyou's cute ears.

"Viceroy shall mine!" Inuyasha pulled on the bandage and wrapped it around Sesshomaru's neck and mouth, making him gag as he pulled too hard on his neck.

Just as the toddler held the ends wondering what to do, Kagome stood before them with a proud smile. Sesshomaru looked down while Inuyasha tried to tuck the ends into the folds wrapped around his neck.

"So, have you accepted def**ACK!** Defeat?" He asked after Inuyasah pulled down the bandages from his mouth, glaring at his brother.

"I just wan'ned to say, 'We win, pay up, Fluffy-boy'."

"Ah, but the agreement was to bind me so I couldn't move. To my understanding, you two have not done so yet." Sesshomaru was assured of his victory, but Kagome's plastered smile scared him.

"T'ue, very t'ue, Sesshomaru-sama. You say we had to tie you up so you are motownless."

_Why is it this child has **the **most difficulty with words?_

"You say we tie you up, Sesshomaru-sama…"

Sesshomaru's eyes widened when, in her hand, Kagome held up a staple gun, her triumphant smile stretching ear to ear.

"But you didn't say **HOW** we have to do it!"

"Kagome, sto-"

**KA-CHUNK!**

"AHHHHH!"

"Viceroy is ours!" Inuyasha replaced the wrapping over his brother's mouth and helped Kagome staple the bandages.

Sesshomaru's muffled screams sounded loudly. Thank the gods he hadn't reloaded the gun and it only had twenty-two staples in it. He laid on the bed in pain, glaring at Inuyasha and Kagome angrily.

"Ac'tually, Inuyasha, I don' think tha's a good idea." Kagome said.

"MM-**HMMK!"** (Ya THINK!)

"Well Sesshounii said if he couldn't get out, he lose. So…WE WIN!" Inuyasha declared giving Kagome a high-five.

_I'm gonna **kill** those brats! I swear to Buddha, I'm gonna ki- _Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed, wincing. _What the hell is **that**?_

Kagome pulled down the bandages so Sesshomaru could talk, then they all heard a noise coming from the kitchen. Inuyasha and Kagome wondered what that sound was, when their eyes flew open and HUGE teardrops formed on their heads.

"Uhhhh-ohhhhhhhh." They uttered under their breaths while glancing at Sesshomaru.

The taiyoukai's wide eyes twitched, making Inuyasha giggle. "What did you two imps do NOW?"

The "imps" glanced at each other.

"You tell him."

"Nuh-uh, you tell him."

"No, you!"

"**ONE OF YOU, SPEAK!**" Sesshomaru's patience exhausted, startling the toddlers.

"Uhhhm…" Kagome started, "Remember when we, by aciddent, hit you and sent you into sleeping?"

"Yessss….?" He answered tentatively, getting a good idea where Kagome was going with that.

"Remember when Sesshounii called Kagome a' imp?" Inuyasha grinned, not looking at her glare.

"No, but I remember calling you AND her imps."

The hanyou whined with a nervous smile. "Uhmm, we're gonna get 'tomoted to 'heath-ins'."

Sesshomaru **TRIED **not to raise her eyebrow in questioning; he KNEW they had done something, but those two children were capable of challenging even his common sense.

"How d-"

**zzzzZZZZMKABLAM!BOOOM!FZZZ!FZzzz!crackle!CRACkle**…**..zz..zzt.**

"…

"The gods hate me."


	4. I Hate Kids

Hey there everyone. Man, I'd forgotten how much fun this was. Writing and getting lost in my own little world. Anyway, I'd been wanting to get this story uploaded for the longest time. But I think life had burnt me out so I HAD to take a break.

An unintentional six month break.

But anyway, here it is, the next chapter of "I Hate Babysitting". I still hope you all enjoy it.

* * *

I Hate Babysitting  
Chapter 4  
I Hate Kids

Sesshomaru hurried down the stairs to the kitchen. His eyes searched for anything out of place, something in which to convict the two little felons. His eyes continued, and locked onto an empty space on the counter. They slowly made their way to the toddlers, who teardropped anxiously, trying to maintain their innocent faces.

"Inuyasha and Kagome…..where's the microwave?" Sesshomaru inquired, wondering why they bothered staying silent.

The toddlers already knew he would be FAR from pleased. Inuyasha opened his mouth to tell when his brother sniffed the air and smelled a faint trace of smoke. Tentatively, Sesshomaru's head turned to the back shoji door leading to the backyard, where the smoke was emanating.

"If the gods have a **hint** of compassion…." He prayed as he braced himself and slid the door open.

The yard was blanketed with snow, adding a beautiful and serene effect to the Zen decorations. To the left of the little castle….was the microwave, smoldering in tiny flames in a singed circle around it. Sesshomaru remained still, with a calm half-lidded stare as he slowly shut the door.

Snap! Craaaaaaaaackle**BOOM!**

He opened the door again.

The microwave was now scattered about the yard in numerous burnt pieces. Inuyasha pouted quietly, he wanted to see the explosion. Sesshomaru could only stare incredulously at the situation. He SINCERELY wanted to ask just how in the hell the appliance got outside.

Sesshomaru figured it was best to paraphrase his inquiry.

"Inuyasha….and Kagome….," The taiyoukai turned to them, praying for at the VERY least a 25 percent logical answer, "What happened to the microwave?"

"….It got mad at the snow?" Inuyasha tried.

Sesshomaru teardropped. That answer wasn't even near 15 percent.

"I repeat," He tried again, "Inuyasha and Kagome….how in the h-e- double 'shi' characters did the microwave get outside?"

"Anou…" Inuyasha spoke up. "When Sesshounii was sleeping, Kagome said she was hungry. I was too, an' we deci'd to make some pot pies."

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "….Beef and/or chicken?"

Sesshomaru caught himself at the last minute and smacked his head when he saw the question mark over his little brother's head. The "and/or" confused him to no end. He rephrased the question.

"Did you find the pies in a blue container in the deep freezer with 'Touch this and die, Inuyasha'?"

"No Sesshounii." The hanyou responded.

"If you didn't, where did you obtain the pies? That's the only place they were."

"It was a blue box with 'Inuyasha' on…Sesshounii? Your eyebrow's dancing again."

Sesshomaru bared his gnashed teeth in slight exasperation. He couldn't understand why Inuyasha wasn't born with any sense as to make a connection with the description he gave.

"Inuyasha, why did you take something that wasn't yours?"

"But it said 'Inuyasha' on it, Sesshounii, and that's my name. So I thought it was mine." The hanyou answered.

"Simply because your name in general is on it doesn't make it yours. Also, there was other writing on my container, why didn't you read that in addition to your name?"

The toddler stared silently at his elder brother.

"I'm only 2 years old, Sesshounii. I can't even read a 'Stop' sign."

Sesshomaru couldn't help but gawk at that, as it made perfect sense. It got him that he'd forgotten Inuyasha couldn't read anything aside from his name, but getting served by the said 2 year old left him stupefied. Realizing he'd gotten off topic, the taiyoukai drew his brother back to the situation at hand.

"But didn't you wanna know which flavor we got, Sesshomaru?" Kagome asked.

"It doesn't matter. It didn't matter in the first place. HOW did the microwave get in the backyard?" Sesshomaru tried to keep himself from sounding strained.

Inuyasha continued, "Kagome an' I put the pies in and we watched them cook."

"And it was pretty!" Kagome mused, "The mickerwaif lighted up and the mickerwaif pixies came out and danced around the pies!"

That **made** Sesshomaru raise an eyebrow.

" 'Microwave pixies', Kagome?" He asked against his better judgment.

Inuyasha stepped in to correct her, "Kagome thought they were pixies, but boys know better. It was only the sparks from the aluminimum."

The hanyou stood confidently while Kagome AND Sesshomaru stared at him in disbelief.

"Woman: 1, men: 0" Sesshomaru muttered.

Before he was asked what that meant, Sesshomaru bid Inuyasha to continue the explanation when Kagome spoke up.

"We were looking at the pies in the mickerwaif, but the mickerwaif looked like it was getting hot and we didn't want the countertop to get burned." Kagome smiled as Sesshomaru looked at her expectantly.

"That doesn't explain how it got outside, Kagome."

The toddlers were silent, then again presented their babysitting with big innocent smiles. Sesshomaru wondered why they didn't just wear signs that said "convicted felons".

Kagome went on, "We didn't want the countertop to burn, so I had Inuyasha take it in the backyard. But the plug wasn't long enough so I looked for an exestutention cord to make it longer. We put it in the snow to cool down so it wouldn't burn up."

The toddlers stared once again in confusion at their babysitter's expression. His eyes were widened, his mouth couldn't decide whether it wanted to smile, frown or scowl and he was uttering strange incoherent syllables.

"Do you know what snow becomes when it's heated?" Sesshomaru inquired, thinking they at LEAST knew this one.

"….SPRING!" Kagome brightly answered, thinking it was some kind of riddle.

Sesshomaru's eyes rolled up in frustration as he made a gesture of shooting himself in the head.

"Thank you, Miss Honda." His sarcastic reply. "For your education, and my assurance of having one good nerve left, snow melts and becomes water. Water conducts electricity. Thus, water or snow will cause the microwave to explode."

Kagome looked up silently while Inuyasha scratched at his ears, soaking in this new information.

"So," Inuyasha started, "Snow is another piece of water, Sesshounii?"

"Yes." Sesshomaru almost smirked in elation at the question.

"And it's a conduct-or of electricity?"

"Yes." Sesshomaru was beaming with happiness.

"…See if I get this right… water will make electricity things blow up? Like the micowaive?" Inuyasha checked, seeing his brother seemed pleased with the questions.

"Yes, Inuyasha. That's correct." _He has some sense after all. Have the gods finally found favor with me?_

Inuyasha looked up at the ceiling, as if trying to make sense of what he was told. Sesshomaru was patient during the five-minute wait; he was happy his simple sibling showed a hint of intelligence. Inuyasha's eyes widened with enlightenment.

"I know what Sesshounii mean! He mean don't put micowaive in the snow or water!" He proudly submitted.

"Yes! Yes! You are correct!" Sesshomaru exclaimed, throwing his fists in the air as if praising the gods for their mercy.

Kagome laughed at the taiyoukai's gesture. "Yay! Now we know what to do next time the mickerwave gets too hot!"

Sesshomaru was nearly teary-eyed as a beam of light from the heavens shone on him. "At last, the gods no longer hate me!"

"Yeah, Kagome! Next time, we'll throw WHIPPED CREAM on the micowaive! Whipped cream doesn't construct electriccities and it won't make it blow up!"

The light shut off and Sesshomaru fell over backwards, crashing onto the floor.

"Sesshounii alright?" Inuyasha asked, gently tugging on Sesshomaru's hair.

_The gods no longer hate me…_

_They **despise** me…_

Sesshomaru stayed on the floor, glaring up and waiting for the pain in his head to subside. The toddlers sat beside him.

"You think the gods hit him, Kagome? They conduct electriccity. They probably have an orchestra."

Sesshomaru wondered why if Inuyasha and Kagome were concerned about the microwave's heat, they didn't just turn the power down. If the question left his lips, he'd be an **official** idiot. So he put it under Unsolved Mysteries.

He lifted his arm and pointed a shaking finger to the living room, restraining himself from cursing. "Living room. Couch. Sit."

Again, the children thought it was a game. "My home this is." "The force. Be with. Always you. Teeheeheeee!"

"**MOVE!!"**

"Moving!"

Inuyasha took Kagome's hand and hurried into the living room, sitting on the couch and turning on the TV. When Sesshomaru recovered nearly an hour later, he tried to get the children to take their naps. Inuyasha complied without problem as he'd do anything his brother said, whereas Kagome argued about the terms of their game earlier. They had been told if they could bind him up, they didn't have to take their naps. Sesshomaru brought to her attention the terms applied if they could bind him up WITHOUT trying to murder him. He admitted they had met the objective, so he was shortening their nap time. He also brought to Kagome's attention that she was half-asleep with her arguing. By the time she reached her closing argument, she had passed out. Sesshomaru was about to head downstairs, but then realized he should probably take a nap as well. They were going to be fully refreshed when they woke up, and he was going to need ALL the energy he could get.

Sesshomaru woke up startled, having a nightmare of Inuyasha and Kagome mistaking his Kingdom Hearts manga for coloring books. His widened eyes darted to his shelf of collectibles and saw they were untouched. He started to check up on the rugrats when he found they'd saved him the trouble. Kagome laid atop the taiyoukai's Final Fantasy II bed cover, slowly waking up. Inuyasha sat upside down against the foot of the bed, his little feet dangling in front of his face. Slightly amused, Sesshomaru moved the hanyou's feet and found a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Should I ask?" Sesshomaru inquired of Kagome.

She wiped her sleepy eyes and answered, "Yes, I came in late."

"Why are you positioned like an acrobat, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha looked a little indignant at the question.

" 'Why?' I lay down on your chest, waitin' for you to wake up. You did like was scared I touched your Final Fancy stuff ….an' HERE we are." Inuyasha answered, dropping his outspread arms onto the bed.

Kagome giggled at Inuyasha's sarcasm while Sesshomaru stared, still partially sleep.

"Why didn't you land on your feet?" The taiyoukai further inquired after yawning.

He extracted a more indignant expression from the hanyou. "Sesshounii, do I LOOK like a cat?"

"Of course not, little brother, you look like a kitten." Sesshomaru teased, leaning over him.

Inuyasha growled cutely, giving his elder brother's hair a quick yank in retaliation.

"Says you, Sephiroth!" He teased back.

Sesshomaru smirked and flipped Inuyasha onto his bottom. He sent the toddlers into his bathroom to freshen themselves up, instructing them specifically to brush their teeth, wash their faces and be seated on his bed cover. He had to tell them because he knew they would do something catastrophic if they didn't have any objectives.

It should have been a sign that it was too much to ask of them. Inuyasha rushed into the bathroom to get there before Kagome. He succeeded, but was bumped away from the sink. The prize was getting the sparking blue Hello Kitty toothpaste. The children brushed their teeth as they were told, but not before having their fun with the foam. First, there was Kagome's impersonation of Santa Claus, then Inuyasha's of a mad dog.

Sesshomaru could only watch them, not surprised. Seeing as used saliva-ridden toothpaste didn't bother them, he only imagine what they would do with soap and water. As entertaining as that would be, Sesshomaru couldn't have them blinding themselves with soap and running around hollering like idiots. Last time they did that, he was Surfin' U.S.A. down the stairs. He instructed them to use only water, fully aware the bathroom would be transformed into Sea World within seconds. Before he could witness the event, the doorbell sounded. Sesshomaru walked out of his room when he halted, remembering he forgot something and went to get Inuyasha and Kagome. The toddlers hadn't been washing up for three seconds but were already soaking wet. Sesshomaru had went in to get them when he took a heavy splash to the face from Inuyasha playing with the faucet's water pressure. He sat Inuyasha and Kagome on the couch, telling them to stay. He went to the door, grumpily wondering who it was.

Sesshomaru concealed his frown at who he saw.

A bearded man gave a jolly smile as he bowed in greeting. The taiyoukai did likewise out of good manners; he recognized the man and prayed against hope this didn't mean what he thought it did.

"How are you, Taijiya-san?" Sesshomaru greeted.

"Oh I couldn't ask for better weather! Lots of snow and more to come! But I won't keep you, Sesshomaru, I do apologize, but I'm in quite a hurry."

"Oh it's too bad you can't stay, sir. Well, enjoy your trip to …wherever, g'bye, now!"

Sesshomaru hurried to reach for the door when Taijiya picked up his daughter, Sango. He beamed a proud and imposing smile. Noticing the twitch on his host's blank face, Taijiya assumed he wasn't informed and stated that Inutaisho owed him a favor. He then tried to bargain with the taiyoukai.

"If you watch my little Sango for me, then things will be even between your father and I, and I'll owe you a favor, Sesshomaru. Anything at all, just name it."

Sesshomaru started to decline, but then remembered his previous times with Sango. She was asleep most of the time and when she was awake, Sango played quietly by herself and with Kagome. She would give him no trouble at all. Plus, Sesshomaru would get a favor owed to him out of this deal.

Gods know he needed it.

The taiyoukai sent Sango's father on his way, and took her inside. After shutting the door, he turned around to find Sango against the wall, holding out her coat and staring intensely at the coat rack. Sesshomaru stared curiously when Sango spun around and released her coat. She looked onto the coat rack…and was surprised when didn't see her coat on it. Confused, Sango looked around, looking up, she found it…

Draped over Sesshomaru's face.

The three year old giggled in amusement as she asked him to bend down so she could get her coat. Insisting on hanging it up herself, Sango went up to the rack and tried to reach for one of the hangers but couldn't quite make it. Frustrated, she looked up at it in thought. Sesshomaru took a step to hang up the coat when Sango bent down, and jumped onto the hanger.

Unaware that she was the heavier one.

The coat rack wobbled and fell over, smacked Sesshomaru square on his crown, and fell onto the floor. Sango stared wide-eyed, her hands covering her mouth. She bowed in apology, then looked at the fallen coat rack. She hung up her coat and walked quietly into the living room. Sesshomaru snarled under his breath as he rubbed his head, checking for any blood. In his mind, a river of obscenities streamed, but he DARED not let one exit his mouth. He was still in range of the kids. Sesshomaru looked down and saw the coat hung neatly on the fallen rack.

"Why didn't Kagome think of that?" He griped sarcastically. "Ugh….I'm stuck in this house with three rugrats. It couldn't get any worse that this."

No sooner than TWO seconds after those words left Sesshomaru's mouth, the doorbell sounded again.

To the rhythm of "Get Wild". (City Hunter, 80s anime)

Sesshomaru froze, his eyes fixed on the closed door, knowing EXACTLY who it was. He started praying against it, but already knew the gods would only laugh in his face and say "You're on your own". He frowned at that, standing with his forehead leaning regretfully on the door. Just then a rhythm of knocks pounded into his brain, this time to RunDMC's "Walk This Way"

_Walk **A**way, why don't you? (sigh) Something **else** I can't live with… _Sesshomaru gave in and opened the door, forcing his eyes down to his visitor.

"Yo yo yo! Grandmastah SESSHOU!"

The taiyoukai stared at a boy, five years old, dressed like RunDMC with a huge amused smile on his face, his hands posed in the air waiting for Sesshomaru.

"Holla at 'cha, boy! Whassup, dawg?"

**SLAM!**

Sesshomaru stood before the closed door, cursing the gods.

_**That Buddhist Shin-chan…MIROKU…**_

"C'mon Sesshomaru! You gonna leave a brotha hangin'?"

The taiyoukai teardropped and rolled up his eyes as Miroku shouted from outside begging to be let in.

"C'mon, man! I – i-is- is it the bling? Is it too much bling? I'll drop the bling, Sesshou! I'll drop the bling, I'll drop the thing, I'll drop the CHING-CHING! JUST COME **BACK** TO ME, BABY!!" Miroku shouted overdramatically like Little Richard, while falling onto this knees and pulling back his leather coat pleading, and trying not to laugh at his performance.

It was just about all Sesshomaru could stand. Yamakawa Miroku, Japan's answer to Dennis the Menace. The ONLY reason Sesshomaru would deal with the child was because of Inuyasha. The toddler hanyou was the miniature cyclone's best friend. The cease of shouting caught his attention and tempted him to open the door again. Miroku stood without the sunglasses and the bling, trying to look properly presentable.

"Sorry about that, Sesshomaru, me and my father just got back from the International Hip-Hop convention in Niigana." Miroku stated with a smaller grin.

The boy received a stoic stare. Each year Miroku and his father went to SOME kind of convention and it would take them a while to get out of character. Sesshomaru wished his parent would take him to a Horror convention. That would scare some sense into the boy.

Sesshomaru reconsidered.

"If that boy wakes me up with a hockey mask, a burnt man in my dreams, or virus spreading zombies, his father'll never find his body."

"You still talk to yourself, Sesshomaru? People will start thinking you've lost it." Miroku joked.

Sesshomaru glanced down at him. "If you're referring to my sanity, you're two years too late. Now where's your father?"

Just then, a lightsaber pointed in Sesshomaru's face. VERY hesitant to look, his amber eyes followed the weapon to its holder.

Miroku's father…donning a Darth Vader costume, with a black Mohawk and ten pounds of gold chains around his neck, holding his lightsaber with a gangsta pose.

"Surrender to the Dark Side, my brother. You have been served, yo. I pity th' fool who don't recognize."

The taiyoukai's half-lidded eyes focused on the glowing weapon. _I wonder if this thing would be enough to kill me._

"Mr. Vader" stood silently, still holding his lightsaber to Sesshomaru's neck. Seeing as he was far from amused, the man lifted his mask.

"Yamakawa-san, why am I surprised?" Sesshomaru sassed flatly.

All he received in response was a good-humored laugh while getting a playful punch to the arm. Miroku snickered at Sesshomaru's fake smile.

_Inuyasha must've warmed him up for me. _The boy thought.

"Well, I suppose you've already guessed why we're here, Sesshomaru?"

Figuring there was no hope for him, Sesshomaru just gave up and dropped the formalities. "**LEMME GUESS**, you want me to babysit Rosemary's ba- MIROKU, for you, right? OH SURE! WHY NOT?! Dump the kid on me! I'll take him in my arms and smother him in love and caring! Dump the kid on me! I'M **BEGGIN'** YA!! I'd be happy to watch him for you!!"

Sesshomaru stood with a **VERY** strained grin with his face. Mr. Yamakawa was pleased at the answer, whereas Miroku cowered in fear. The taiyoukai was presented with a large tote bag.

"Actually, we had only stopped by to give you these souvenirs. We know how much you love Final Fantasy. I had already arranged for another babysitter for Miroku, but since you're so excited to have him, I can't disappoint you, Sesshomaru."

_PLEASE, do it…**CRUSH ME…!**_

Miroku looked up at his father a little worried. "Daddy, you're not gonna leave me with this lunatic, are you? I think he's drunk or somethin'!"

"Miroku!" His father reprimanded, "Don't be like that! Now look, I can't find anyone else who'll have you on such short notice…well, there's always _her_ but I-"

Before the sentence was done, Miroku hugged his father and went inside the house. Apparently the "lunatic" was the greater lesser of two evils. With that, Mr. Yamakawa took his leave hurriedly. Sesshomaru stood in the open door watching the man take off on his motorcycle, waving back at his son. The crazed smile was still on his face, the edges of the mouth twitching tensely at the irony of everything. Sesshomaru swore he could hear the gods dying with laughter at his stupidity. Eventually, he came to his senses and closed the door, greeted by Miroku as he turned around.

"Aren't you going to 'holla' at'cha peeps' or something, Grandmaster Flash?" The taiyoukai's sassy monotone retort to the boy.

Miroku laughed and hugged Sesshomaru's leg, he had always loved his tone of voice; even though it only showed up when he came over. Next thing they knew, Inuyasha exclaimed happily and pounced on Miroku's back, shouting over and over his best friend was here. Kagome ran in after the hanyou and gave Miroku a hug. The boy didn't mind the assault of kindness; he loved the attention. Miroku gave Inuyasha a piggyback ride, galloping up and down the hallway, listening to the toddler laugh as they played. Sesshomaru gave a defeated sigh behind his stoic face, and made his way to the living room couch.

Sesshomaru and the kids enjoyed pizza for dinner. He had planned on cooking, thinking it would be him, Inuyasha and Kagome. Since Miroku was there, he DARED not take his eyes off him for even a moment. Last time, that was all the boy needed to short out the house and flood the basement. Later that night, after letting the rugrats run around for a while to work off the pizza and having them fall out at bedtime, Sesshomaru took a long soak in the tub. Gods knew when he'd have another moment to himself, so he seized the opportunity while he had it. The taiyoukai felt so soothed by the water and the silence, he dozed off in the tub, having a dream of his girlfriend bathing with him. He smiled in his sleep as she washed his face, but awoke to find instead it was Sango wiping the sweat from this forehead.

Sango smiled at him, "Sorry, I was trying not to wake you up, Sesshou-chan. Your face was dirty. An' pretty faces shouldn't be dirty."

Sesshomaru just stared, a bit upset that his bliss was interrupted. "Sango, why aren't you bed?"

"Miroku wouldn't leave me alone," She answered quietly, "He keeps playing with my toes, he kept saying they were pretty."

The taiyoukai sank in the water, rolling his eyes up. "Like father, like son."

Taking a closer look, the three year old saw Sesshomaru was taking a bath. She agreed to leave him alone, but not before bargaining to sleep in his room so Miroku wouldn't bother her, and if he would read her a bedtime story. Thinking that was a cheap price to pay for some "me" time, Sesshomaru agreed, telling Sango to wait on his bed til he was finished. Sesshomaru came out of his bathroom thinking perhaps she had fallen asleep, and found her sitting wide awake with three books beside her.

"I will only read you one, Sango." Sesshomaru stated.

She tried to decide which of the books to read, then went to Sesshomaru's manga collection and selected xXxHolic vol. 8. Sesshomaru stared at the selected book but currently was too sleepy to care. Sango scurried into the taiyoukai's lap so she could see the pictures while he read to her. After a while she heard his voice begin to drawl; Sango looked up and saw he was starting to nod off. She took over and read for him, winging it at whatever words were beyond her.

" 'GYAHH! SO COLD!' Watanuki-kun's running from the snowman and that's the end, Sesshou-chan. Um, Sesshou-chan?"

Sesshomaru had fallen asleep pages ago, snoring a bit loudly as the kids had drained him and his bath had taken the little energy he had left. Sango giggled quietly, tucking him in and giving him a good-night hug and kiss for reading to her.

* * *

Sesshomaru's eyes opened, and found it was morning. He sat up and found Sango sound asleep in his bean bag chair, sucking her thumb. He yawned and stared, thinking she looked cute asleep. Sesshomaru started to wake her up for breakfast, but was distracted by the sound of the TV downstairs. Just as he guessed, the children were awake and watching their morning cartoons. Well, they were listening to the TV anyway. Sesshomaru peeked around and found them in the kitchen getting breakfast on their own. Miroku was looking for his favorite cereal, finding only the empty box. He looked at Inuyasha, sitting on the floor and devouring the cereal from the bag, picking out the marshmallows. He was practically taking a bath in the milk as he had spilled it all over himself.

"Stolen me Lucky Charms, have ye, little puppy?"

Inuyasha and Kagome laughed at Miroku's imitation of the trademark leprechaun.

Kagome chimed, "Now if you only had the green suit, you'd be Lucky, Miroku."

"Nuh-uh, Kagome-chan," Miroku responded, "If I had Kumi Koda dancing in her short shorts for me, THEN I'd be lucky. Heh heh."

Sesshomaru groaned, wondering if that came from his father or was it really genetic. "She said 'BE lucky', not 'GET lucky'. Hurry up and get your cereal, Shin-chan. I want you in the living room where I can see you-"

Plish.

Sesshomaru felt his foot land in a puddle of cold liquid. Daring to look down, he found his little brother sitting in a puddle of milk and cereal. Inuyasha only giggled and waved good-morning. Groaning loudly because it meant more work, Sesshomaru lifted Inuyasha from the floor, only to find milk wasn't the only the liquid there.

Kagome snickered uncontrollably while Miroku tried to hold his in.

"He's sprung a leak, Cap'n!" Miroku couldn't resist.

Inuyasha laughed as Sesshomaru teardropped when the liquid dripped onto his foot. The hanyou was given a newspaper diaper so he wouldn't drip all over the carpet as he was carried to the bathroom. Sesshomaru spent over a hour in there: ten minutes waiting for the toddler to finish splashing water everywhere, fifteen minutes to actually wash him up, five minutes to dry Inuyasha off after he actually dried off like a puppy.

The rest of the time was spent cleaning up the bathroom.

After his bath, Inuyasha tried to escape and streak through the house. Fortunately, Sesshomaru foresaw that and wrapped him in a towel, wrapping his head in a huge turban. That virtually anchored the hanyou to the floor until Sesshomaru was finished. He dressed Inuyasha in his Rurouni Kenshin yukata, giving him a lighter towel for his turban once the cleaning was done.

Sesshomaru took a detour to his room to check on Sango, who was now sleeping on his bed. He was in limbo trying to decide whether to wake her up or not. Alone, Sango was a handful in her own right; mixed with the others, she was up there with Miroku.

Sesshomaru had also forgotten when he took too long to make a decision, Inuyasha made it for him.

"Sango! You sleep too much! Wake up!" He shouted.

The taiyoukai teardropped in irritation. The gods showed SOME compassion and just had Sango grumble and turn over. Inuyasha pouted, not partial to being ignored, and yelled louder for Sango to wake up. Crankily, she threw her tiny pillow at him, getting Inuyasha right in the face. Sesshomaru snickered, satisfied with his for-now good fortune. He looked again at Sango, thinking he had heard her groan. Inuyasha was set down on the floor, but held in place by his brother's finger atop his head.

"Sesshounii want me to wake up, Sango?" He asked innocently.

"No, I want you to go downstairs and watch television…and tell Kagome to quit talking to the refrigerator. It doesn't like her."

"Okay!" Inuyasha chirped happily and did just as he was told.

Sesshomaru shook Sango lightly on her shoulder. After the second time, she opened her eyes, looking a little sad.

"It's time to get up, Sango. I can't let you sleep all day." _But gods KNOW I want to._

"I don't feel good, Sesshou-chan." Sango whined quietly.

The first thing that came to his mind was she may have a cold. Immediately, almost in a panic, Sesshomaru prayed against it. The way the kids ran around the house like they did, there'd be an outbreak. And he wasn't about to turn the living room into ICU, or General Hospital with Miroku.

"What's wrong, Sango?" Sesshomaru asked, hoping it wasn't serious.

Sango remained quiet as she looked down, saying she was checking to see what it was.

"My head hurts. Not a lot lot, but it hurts a little tiny bit." She paused again, "And the rest'a me feels heavy."

Sesshomaru was relieved. "That's what happens when you sleep too long. It may even be that you haven't had breakfast yet. Come, stand on your feet for a while and you'll feel better."

Sango nodded tiredly and got out of bed to go downstairs, walking into the doorframe after tripping on the edge of the Kingdom Hearts throw rug. Sesshomaru hung his head, groaning in defeat. He carried her downstairs for fear she'd miss one of the steps. He found a trail of Lucky Charms leading from the kitchen into the living room where the children quietly watched TV.

No noise, no mischief, everything was calm.

"What did you felons do now?" Sesshomaru asked in utter suspicion.

"Nothing Sesshounii, you said go downstairs and watch TV."

"Hai Sesshomaru-san," Kagome added, "Inuyasha told us you said so."

Miroku smiled in agreement, making the taiyoukai all the more paranoid. He put Sango down on the couch beside Miroku, who presented her with a bowl of cereal he saved for her, also with a bowl of Lucky Charm marshmallows he got from Inuyasha. Sesshomaru went into the kitchen to get his breakfast. He was going to need A LOT of fuel to deal with all four of them for a full day. Making sure everyone was eyeing the TV, Sesshomaru went to the kitchen cabinets to see what the children hadn't demolished. He opened the fridge…

It was empty.

The taiyoukai swore he felt anxiety come upon him, but collected himself and searched the other cabinets.

Empty, empty, and... empty.

"…Commence panicking."

Sesshomaru searched every compartment in the kitchen, and all that remained was half a box of chocolate pocky, an empty box of Almond Crush pocky and one row of Oreos. The taiyoukai stared stressfully at the open cabinets, lost in thought of what this meant. He couldn't ignore this, well YEAH he could, but couldn't. It just wasn't a smart idea having a house full of hyperactive children and no food.

That BEGGED a mutiny.

However, the children had demolished the last bit of food in the house; thus they had entered a famine. And of course, when you were out of food, the only thing to do was……

Sesshomaru's body froze, his face showing a hint of fear.

**_Hell. NO._** _I am **not** about to take those heathen children in a supermarket…but damn it all, if I ignore this, then **I** lose out because **I'LL** starve too. But wait…the only closest store that's open is…_

_OH DEAR BUDDHA!! **ANYWHERE** BUT **THERE!**_

Sesshomaru stayed frozen in place, trying to think of a way to ration the oreos and pocky for the next week.

He walked to the front door, looking unvictorious as he stuffed his face with the cookies for his breakfast. He stopped before the front door, standing across from the coat rack. Looking down the empty hallway, Sesshomaru prepared to yell the two words that he would regret for the rest of the day.

"**ROAD TRIP!"**

Almost immediately, there was the thundering of little feet running down the hallway, accompanied by Inuyasha's loud and excited shouting. The kids mauled the coat rack for their coats, Miroku hurriedly pried the door open and ran after everyone else to Sesshomaru's 2007 Toyota Land Cruiser outside. He had stood in a half-lidded daze into space during the stampede, just imagining what lay ahead of him. Snapping out of it, he got his coat and growled, grabbing the wad of cash his stepmother had left on the entertainment center for this occasion.

"**Gods, I hate Wal-Mart**."


End file.
